I'm not going to be able to leave for a year when we're married and expecting a baby.

  • Casey: I wanna do this stuff with you because I know you're gonna turn into some crazy insane demanding pregnant woman who's got like seventy pounds of water weight that's just walking around town crushing cop cars.
  • Mindy: I don't think I'm gonna be...I'm gonna be very dainty...
  • Casey: You're gonna be like Donkey Kong. You're gonna go to bars, take barrels, and just like throw them across the room at people.
  • Mindy: Ok...that's funny but that is...not accurate.
  • Casey: Don't even get me started on your appetite. You're gonna be saying "Casey go get me mashed potatoes and put it in an ice cream cone" and I'm like "it's three in the morning" and you're saying "I don't care! I need it nowww!" And I'll do it.
  • Mindy: That actually does sound like me.
  • Casey: You want me to be your tater-cone boy? Come here.

Are we just yelling out our jobs now?

  • Casey: I'm gonna punch your teeth down your throat!
  • Tom: I'm an othodontist. I've got buckets of teeth!
  • Casey: I'm a minister! You're trying to kill a minister!
Maybe Abe Lincoln will change your mind. Wait, that’s not Abe Lincoln. Who is that? Ohh, Jackson.
Morgan from Mindy Project, 1x23
That cheesy old loser is the guy I must merry.
Mindy, 1x23

squinternshadowhunter:

“The Jesus myth is all about forgiveness, isn’t it?  Absolution, our ability to transform ourselves. So you grow up suffering; in the myth, Jesus suffers and he forgave those. Water to wine, raising the dead, walking on water…  These defy the basic laws of Physics, but forgiveness, that is value. That’s why the myth has endured.”

Felicia's Melange: Star Trek Movie: SPOILERZZZZ

thisfeliciaday:

You are officially spoiled if you read below, NO COMPLAINTS!

Up front I will say I enjoyed this latest Star Trek movie a lot. It was super noisy, but enjoyable, beautifully executed, and I particularly like some of the secondary characters, Spock was excellent, etc etc. I just want to share an…

Blount's disease; it's very common in severely overweight children.

  • Wendell: Then I imagine he didn't start stripping as a kid.
  • Temperance: Not professionally, at least

The victim was in his mid-20s.

  • Temperance: Which is consistent with his being an exotic dancer, as a high percentage of men go into the profession as a means to pay for college.
  • Saroyan: There's a fact I didn't expect from you.
  • Temperance: I wrote an anthropology paper on stripping in grad school. People who disrobe for the pleasure of others are fascinating. -- While women have stripped for millennia, it wasn't until the 1970's that women felt empowered enough to publicly enjoy men stripping for them.
  • Saroyan: When did empowerment become stuffing dollar bills down a man's pants?
  • Temperance: The 1970's. I already said that. You should pay closer attention.
  • Kirk: The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
  • Spock: The man who said that was later betrayed and killed by his ally.
  • Kirk: Well, its still a hell of a quote.

From your wonderful, secret garden.

  • Jess: Teddy took my flower.
  • Nick: He stole a flower from you and you want to have drinks with him?!
Acceptable behavior can only be learned through the experience of unacceptable behavior
Bones, 8x21

Oh, wow.

  • Booth: Weebles, wobbles, and... ow! So, what do you think, Bones?
  • Bones: The judge may suffer from a neuromuscular disorder
  • Booth: She's sloshed!
  • Bones: [looks]
  • Booth: Drunk.
  • Bones: Oh... that. Yes.

He said he understood why you go psycho.

  • Sweets: You seem to feel that anger is a good solution to your problems-- which I totally understand.
  • Yeah?
  • Sweets: Yeah, sure. The release of adrenaline and noradrenalin in your system causes you to feel optimistic that your impulses are causing you to make, uh, reasonable risk assessments. It's a common correspondence bias.
  • Are you screwing with me?
  • Sweets: No, I'm simply pointing out that your lack of self-control can cause you to make extremely poor decisions.
  • You said you were on my side!
Bite of DC with rabbit, lobster, blueberry dessert, and a lot of drinks (at The Yards Park)
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Bite of DC with rabbit, lobster, blueberry dessert, and a lot of drinks (at The Yards Park)

Oh, hello! Don't be minding me.

  • Shawn: I'm from the county pest control. Some malaysian weevils been coming over on the boats, eating up all of the local weevils, so county has us spraying all the warehouses down here by the docks. Not taking long at all but here is one question for you. Have you seen weevils in any of these small poop houses?
  • No, now get out of here.
  • Shawn: Best be checking one just to be sure.
  • What's going on in there?
  • Shawn: Oh, my. There is much trouble in here. Weevils making love in the sink compartment. Okay, here we go. Well, thank you so much for your hospitality. Biggest problem, I must stay here until all the weevils are mostly made dead. Personal note, I find them both delicious and adorable, so I have, as you say, a conflict. Now, if I may be bothering you one more time, can you show me the closest house of prostitutes...